Game 23

I've gotten this far, 16 competitive middles, without having to dismiss a player, but today, unfortunately, I had to issue not one but two red cards.

The home side for this game had a reputation for ferocity not so much on the field but off it. Their spectators and touchline officials had been reported to the league on more than one occasion and bearing in mind they were based at my local pub, it seemed like an interesting morning ahead.

The game started tamely enough with the home team opening the scoring with virtually their first attack and the away team looking like they wanted to be somewhere else. In the 9th minute a very reckless challenge by an away player saw him pick up the game's first caution, but more of him later.

With a strong wind at their backs the away team harried the home midfield but got little change with the home back line mopping up everything. On 30 minutes a reckless challenge from a home player saw him earn a caution but before I could get him isolated and away, the situation blew up into a mass confrontation. Whether it was the players realising how close I was (less than 10 yards), seeing me deal with the original offender or just the cold (and by now wet) weather, it blew over as fast as it started.

Nevertheless I still had the two main protagonists to deal with. Each received a caution, the away player involved received his second of the game and so became my first dismissal of the season. It took me 5 competitive middles to get that far last season and more than 3 times as long this season!

I called both captains in and read the riot act and asked them to pass it on to their teams. This had the desired effect and we got to half time without any further incidents, except asking the home manager to move away from the field if he wanted to continue drinking his can of cider! He obliged and the game continued.

At half time the away goalkeeper told me that he had been on the receiving end of offensive and threatening comments from the home team spectators, so I had a quick and quiet word with the home captain and manager to let them know I hadn't heard or seen anything, but if I did, then they would be in serious trouble.

The second half started with the home team adding to their opening goal after just 3 minutes and a flurry of substitutions by the away team. Some of their players wanted to get off the field early but they had no substitutes left. Even when their goal keeper got injured, he had no option but to continue. The home team added another 5 goals to take the score to 7-0 and then I had my second dismissal.

I was counting down the seconds to the final whistle when I gave the away team a free kick. Suddenly the offending player issues a few expletives and an offensive gesture, so he didn't reach the end of the game. The only abusive comment from the home spectators throughout the second half quickly followed and I ensured the offender "disappeared".

The game finished very soon afterwards and with 1308 calories burned, an 88% max and a 70% average - poor!